Dear Billy

 

Dear Billy

Dear Billy

My school is about to vote for class president. Anyway, this one guy who’s running, he’s kind of a douche, but he’s kind of funny, and he seems to know a lot of cheerleaders. He has said some stuff that’s a bit not great, but doesn’t everyone? He is a bit of a bully, but that makes sense because he has money. There’s also a rumour he got some kids expelled, but rumours, right? Here’s my question. My sister thinks he’s the devil. She says if I vote for him, she’ll never speak to me again (she threatens me with this a lot). I think she’s over-reacting, and I think it would be funny. Can you please tell my sister that she’s over-reacting?

Signed,
#OneMoreYearTilTheRealWorld!

Dear OMYTTRW:

If you crown him, let me prophesy:
The blood of English shall manure the ground,
And future ages groan for this foul act;
Disorder, horror, fear and mutiny
Shall here inhabit, and this land be call’d
The field of Golgotha and dead men’s skulls.
It will the woefullest division prove
That ever fell upon this cursed earth.
Prevent it, resist it, let it not be so,
Lest child, child’s children, cry against you woe!

Dear Billy

Regarding last week’s column about the protesters: I’m a woman, and I am perfectly happy with the state of the world. Sure, not everything’s perfect, but what is the point of such demonstrations? If I’m unhappy about something, I just speak in a clipped and occasionally faraway tone, and pour my coffee a little more aggressively. People get the drift. This kind of obscene pageantry–your words, not mine!–just makes women look greedy. And you actually support them?
I thought you were a smart man. Now
I see a man who’s drunk the koolaid.

Disappointed In Kent

Dear DIK:
I see a woman may be made a fool
If she had not a spirit to resist.

Dear Billy

Long time reader. It might just be me, but it feels like your advice column has become somewhat angry in the past few months. Are you okay?

Concerned Fan

Dear CF
Hell is empty and all the devils are here.